Twas the Night Before Drumpf

Twas the nineteenth of January, when all through the house
Not a creature was Tweeting, not even this louse.
Effigies were hung on the lampposts with care,
A sign that insanity soon would be there.

The children were hiding under their beds,
While visions of Klan rallies danced in their heads.
And mom took her wine and I took a pill,
Hoping our terrors soon would be stilled.

Out on the street an Uzi did chatter,
So we sprang from the bed to duck the lead spatter.
Away from the window when we heard it go crash,
I felt my heart shudder as I threw up in the trash.

The flames from a cross on the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of whiteness to the rally below.
When appeared to my wonder a small-fingered man,
With the hilarious spray of a fake orange tan.

With one little Twitter, so lying and thick,
I knew in a moment he must be a prick.
More rapid than weasels his Cabinet came,
He dog-whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now, Sessions! now, Priebus! now, Rudy and Ross!
On, Carson! On, Pence! on, Betsy DeVos!
To the top of the heap! to the Mexican wall!
Now go away! Run away! Flee away all!”

And then, in an email, I read of his plans
The typing and tweeting of each little hand.
Oh bigots!  Oh racists! Oh fascists and clowns.
Til down came America, with a terrible sound.

His flesh was all orange, from his toes to his crown,
Where a cheap looking comb-over looked like that of a clown .                               A monkey of hate he had flung on his back,
Like a sort of a peddler of lousy street crack.

His eyes-how they squinted! his stare oh so glary!
His face was not hiding the anger he carried!
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a sneer,
His look was not happy as he stirred up the fear.

His jaw was clenched like his sphincter and teeth,
And the comb-over circled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and little round digits,
On hands that were tiny, just like a midget’s!

He was a hostile old grump, a joyless old elf,
And I winced when I thought: “This is Satan himself!”
The look in his eye showed the twists in his head,
And soon gave me to know we had something to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled up his cabinet with nothing but jerks.
And using his short fingers in a gesture perfidious,
He gave a salute from a history so hideous!

And went back to his text to send out epistles,
And let a terrified world know he had HUGEST of missiles.
But by Tweet he exclaimed, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Sieg heil America, we smash kristall tonight!”

Stan Flouride 28 Nov 2016

This is published with a Creative Commons license, feel free to share it.

I wrote that to add to a great collection of humorous Amazon reviews of this genuine Drumpf Christmas tree ornament: (it can be yours for a mere $209.00!)


In an homage to the fantastic Raven-inspired gallon milk review from 2008 I composed it (and edited and resubmitted twice it when it was rejected but it was still not allowed–Oh well.)

About Stan Flouride

THIS BLOG IS ALWAYS AD-FREE I make stuff and do things.
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1 Response to Twas the Night Before Drumpf

  1. Amazon rejected it for ‘violating the community guidelines.’ 😦


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