And a genuine news item from the Great White North:
Christopher Hiscock, 33, got only a year’s probation after his guilty plea for trespassing on a ranch in Kamloops, British Columbia, in September–because it was a trespass with panache:

Since no one had been home, Hiscock fed the cats, prepared a meal, shaved and showered, took meat out of the freezer to thaw, made some coffee, started a fire in the fireplace, did some laundry, put out hay for the horses, and even wrote some touchingly personal notes in the resident’s diary: “Today was my first full day at the ranch.”  “I have to remind myself to just relax and take my time.”

“I don’t feel alone here, I guess with 2 cats and 3 horses it’s kinda hard to be alone. Last night I had a fire in the house. It was so (peaceful). I slept like a little baby.

“I saw a picture in the basement on the wall of a man holding and weighing fish on a boat. Looking at him I realized we look a lot alike, but I think I’m more handsome.“

The Nova Scotia man pleaded guilty Monday to possession of stolen property and being unlawfully in a dwelling house stemming from a bizarre incident north of Kamloops.

Provincial court heard the residents of a ranch in Little Fort on the Yellowhead Highway returned home after a night out last week to find a stranger sitting on their couch with a cup of coffee.

“She found the accused in her home watching TV,” Crown lawyer Mike Wong said.

In court, he apologized.  “I made a lot of mistakes.”

“Beautiful ranch.  Gorgeous.  I was driving [by] and I just turned

in.  Beautiful place.”  [Kamloops This Week via National Post, 9-

30-2015]